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You deserve an explanation

Dearest Sandy,
So, how do I tell you this?… I don't even know where to begin. I feel like everything I've ever told you is a lie and I don't even know how to apologize for that. I'm not the person you think I am. I've been lying to everyone but the relationship I have with you is the one I care most about. I'm sorry, please forgive me.

You remember when we met and I told you I went by Kari, I told everyone I went by Kari-well I don't. My name is Ally. About the third night we were here I went on one of my "walks" that I started going on every week that same night, same time. I was gone for an hour and a half. I told you I was going to the baseball fields to pray-another lie. I was watching someone. They took the same route every time and talked to the same person on the phone, the whole time. The conversations varied but overall were peaceful and I believe they were talking to their lover.

I knew this was a temporary thing and I wasn't going to stay long. I told myself not to get attached to anyone or anything while I was here, but you…… we clicked. I enjoyed spending time with you and we had so much in common. You remember the night I cried for hours and I told you it was because I had lost a close friend-well that was partly true. That was the night I found out I would have to leave you and go back to where I started and I couldn't stand the thought of leaving you.

Well one night a couple weeks ago on my walk the person wasn't having their usual conversation. In fact, there was no conversation at all and they were angry. Kicking everything in sight and I couldn't even understand the words coming out, I stepped on something. I don't remember what is was but it was loud enough. They turned around and it happened. He saw me and I ran. I ran so hard but he caught up and grabbed me. I didn't know a grip could be so tight but it was. He pushed me down a hill. His car was at bottom and he made me get in it and he started driving. I don't know where we went or how long I was gone-there was so much pain. I was bruised and cut everywhere-my clothes were so disgusting. It felt like forever but eventually he brought me back and because I was so weak he had to pull me out of the car and left me on the sidewalk near where we had landed at the bottom of the hill. As soon as he screeched away in his car, I started crawling towards our room. It took for what seemed like years and it hurt so badly but I made it. You were asleep and I was glad for that. I crawled under the covers and slept till - well you remember the day I slept in really late. I waited under the covers until you had gone before I got up. I threw my clothes away so you wouldn't see the blood and I tried my best to wash everything off and make my face look normal again. You remember asking what happened to me that night? And I told you I had fallen and landed on my face-yeah well that was him. I think I cried every night for a week.

Well, I was really sick the weekend you went home and so I went to the doctor and he said I was having morning sickness. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I was almost two months along.

My assignment was to watch him and see if anything changed - and obviously I had missed the conversation where he broke up with his girl. He was angry and he did something irrational that night. Well like any good boss, he pulled me out of there. That's why I left. I won't be coming back. I'll go on with my life and take on other assignments. I'll get an apartment for me and the little one and maybe we'll move north like I always wanted and maybe someday you can visit us and we can get to know each other for real and become real friends.

I'm sorry I had to tell you like this. I thought you deserved an explanation. You were my only real friend while I was there, thank you. One more thing, that Savior you talked about, I met him while I was there. He was in you, I could see Him. It's the best relationship I have ever had and I think I can start fresh now. Thank you. The End.