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Dearest Sandy,
Headline: "Blind girl leaps to her death". Curious, here's what happened.....There once was a girl whose name was Anastatia. She often went by Statia for she dreaded to hear others call her by her full name. Statia and her family lived in Czech though her family was not much to speak of as it consisted of an abusive often nonexistent father, an alcoholic mother and two brothers were also became abusive. Her father was a drug addict and her mother in attempt to wean him off of the drugs would hide them. As he went through withdrawel he would become violent and beat her mother and her brothers if he could find them for the boys had learned well when to get out of the house. The young girl, out of fear, would never run but always hide in her closet in her room.

One day, after the girl had come home from the most wonderful day at school for it had been show 'n tell and there had been a clown that painted pictures on all the children's faces which delighted her very much, her father came home angry. The factory he worked in had been going through financial difficulty and was forced to lay off several hundred of its workers including her father. To add to the matter he had not taken any drugs all day and was on his last nerve. Her brothers were out at baseball practice and her mother was out for the afternoon so the father had no one to take his anger out on....except for her. He had never touched her before when he was angry. He always left her alone and they in fact seldom spoke to each other for her fear of him and his noncaring attitude towards her. But today was about to be different. The father charged into the little girls room and dragged her by her hair into his bedroom. He then proceeded to rape her over and over again until her brothers came home and burst into the room trying to stop thier father. The battle ended when the bloodied parties were broken up by the police, who was called by the mother when she arrived home, and the father was taken into custody. He served two years in jail for rape and abuse. Her parents also got a divorce and the girl with her mother and brothers moved to a town a few hours away. That was the last time Statia would ever see her father.

Several years passed and Statia distanced herself from her brothers and didn't really seem to be making any male friends. The affect of the abuse her mother had experienced began to show itself in the amount of drinking she started to do. She was out every weekend guaranteed getting wasted and sometimes once or twice during the week. Statia's life depressed her and depression over the next two years would turn into anger. Statia had always thought life was suppose to be a happy family with a loving mother and father and when the world disappointed her she began to look for that perfectness in other places. Statia was allergic to alcohol so she didn't try her mothers method of finding happiness but instead surprisingly she turned to intimacy. Even though her father had scared her for life she thought maybe what he found so satisfying could make her happy too so she started to sleep around. She slept with the good guys and the bad guys and pretty much whoever she wanted because she was tall thin and beautiful and every guy wanted her. But it wasn't working...she wasn't finding what she wanted but instead she was just becoming trapped in what seemed to be an endless cycle.

Her mother ended up losing her job and so they moved again this time north. They moved to a place where Statia could have a fresh start and she would but it was step in the wrong direction. Because Statia couldn't find her satisfaction in men she decided maybe homosexuality was the answer and fortunately for her that lifestyle seemed to be fairly widespread and practiced and accepted where they had moved to. Statia's girlfriend had convinced her that this was the satisfaction she was looking for.

The girls finished school and went to college together. They soon discovered that at this college there wasn't much tolerance for anyone claiming homosexuality or bisexuality so the girls kept the matter a secret. They decided against living in the dorms and instead rented an apartment off campus and that way had little to fear about someone finding them out. Statia, however, felt stifled and knew that the happiness she was looking for was not something that should feel stifled or have to be hidden from the world so the girls left that school and went to another out of the country. The country in which they attended school was very open to the girls lifestyle and instead of having the difficulty of loving her partner because of the shame she could face she had difficulty loving her partner because there were now so many other people sharing the same belief that there were now options and the girls had thier first relationship struggle because of having options. The girls stuck together through this new battle of commitment and finished thier college education and went on to pursue careers in thier chosen fields.

One day, Statia became very ill and her partner took her to the ER where they spent the next 24 hours discovering that Statia had contracted an STD that was affecting her eyesight which caused her to get horrible headaches which is why she felt sick. Over the course of the next month Statia's eyesight was completely gone and this happiness had cost her more than she realized she would ever have to give up.

Statia and her partner moved to small neighborhood where Statia learned to walk around the town with her cane by herself during the day while her partner was at work. Usually while she took her walks she would think about her life and evaluate how close she was to her ideal happy life and how she could work on getting closer. She turned left around the corner away from her house and then walked straight, crossing the street while she thought about how her life was actually no where near what she had ever dreamed of it becoming. As Statia came to where there was usually a bump in the sidewalk she paused to feel it out and found that there had been laid new cement and there was now a path to the right. Statia took the path to the right and thought that maybe there was a new house and she would welcome the new neighbors but Statia wasn't thinking that she was on the left side of the road and to turn right meant to walk into the street. This path in fact was a bridge that went up and over the street as it went along the grand river that bordered thier neighborhood. Statia continued walking while thinking that the ideal life she had always pictured was a mother and father who loved each other with children who loved thier parents and all were happy. Statia's life had been far from that. She was not a mother so she could not be a happy mother and she could not have happy children who loved her. She was not married to a man so she could not have a happy husband who could not be a happy father and therefore her entire happy family could not exist. Even at this point in her life if she found a man, a husband and had children they could not be happy because she had ruined her life by choosing her wife for a partner who had given her the STD and caused her blindness. Statia's life goal was gone...ruined...unattainable and though she had thought about this before she had never fully realized the conclusion that she had come to until now, her life was not worth living. Statia didn't know if she believed in the after life and second chances but she knew that she couldn't have what she wanted and that by living she was only causing other people pain and people looking at her would never find the happiness that they wanted and so it would be better if she just did't exist. Statia could now hear the rushing water beneath the bridge and judging by the wind in her face and knowledge of how wide the river was and how loud the rushing of the water was she knew she was very high above the water and somewhere in the middle but closer to the farther shore. Statia walked over to the edge and felt the rail, it wasn't very high. She climbed over it and hung on with her back to the fence. She held out her cane and dropped it, listening for how far down the water was. She heard it hid some rocks and knew she was above the rapids. She was sure it would kill her instantly and with one last thought of her parents and how they'd given her the worst childhood ever but the best vigor for finding true happiness in life and how she had failed at that task, she jumped. The End.